Have you been stalking someone all day? Have you been following or observing a person persistently? Do you think you do this out of obsession or is this plain derangement on your part? Before you continue, I hope you read these rules regarding this subject matter very very well first. You don't want to fail this crucial subject, or do you?
Rule #1: Have a Stalkee
Make sure he/she is going to be worth all your admiration, time and effort. If he/she turns out to be a psychopath or a moron, just drop him/her. If you continue, what you will be doing isn't stalking, it's called "wasting time."
Rule #2: Get into the Basics
Know at least some basic information about Stalkee. No, not just the color of his cute shirt or the brand of her rubber shoes last Tuesday. Something more like a nickname and a surname will be far better. A name may be just a name in Shakespearean Lit, but in Stalking 101, it's one of the most important pieces of information to get you started. Make sure you got Stalkee's name right! One more thing: If you don't know his/her name, don't be afraid to ask the friend nearest you. UP might be big but hell, it sure is a small world in here too! Next, get to know more about Stalkee by knowing who he/she really is, how his/her life works, and who his/her friends are. Those will be enough to keep you up ahead other wannabe Stalkers. How?
Rule #3: WWW's
Figure out the WWWs—where, when and why. A fourth W—with whom—will be a good additional piece of info. Remember where you first saw Stalkee. That will be a vital piece of crap, err… of information, I mean, and start from there. Let's say you first saw James, your Stalkee, going in Rm. 216 right before your CW 10 class at Rm. 214 started. That probably means he also has a GE class on the same floor and at the same time as yours.
Your other "first" sightings of James on the different times of the day will be very important too. After a week of "first sightings," you'll have an idea where he is at a certain time and why he's there. Of course not everything will be constant. There will certainly be a number of changes on his schedule and you have to bear with that. You're just a Stalker, remember?
Rule #4: Be a Casual Observer
Don't stalk head-on. Don't be always everywhere James is, it will be weird for him. You surely don't want to scare our very dear Stalkee away, right?
By being a casual observer, you have to be in the right Stalker position --- not too near nor too far. A few meters away from James will be good enough. It will surely be such an advantage on your part, dear Stalker, if you have perfect vision. In that way you'll be able to spot him even if he is still far. By the time he arrives at his destination, you already have positioned yourself at a good spot.
Rule #5: Have an Accomplice or Two
Stalking may be for the lonely-hearted but that doesn't mean you have to do it all alone. Let your most trusted friends know Stalkee. Introduce them to James. (Not literally though!) It's not impossible for them to know him/her from somewhere. They might even have been classmates last semester or your friends might even know his old high school friends. Coincidences like these are no simple coincidences for you. They're yummy details.
Moreover, an accomplice helps you spot James and his whereabouts by willingly (take note of the word "willingly") reporting to you that he/she saw James wearing a white Adidas tee, blue denim pants, a pair of black Nike rubber shoes and carrying a black Reebok back pack (since when did he get too sporty?!) leaving Rodic's yesterday at around 1 pm with this girl from your Comm 3 class and an unknown *cute* guy who, your accomplice thinks, looks quite familiar from last, last sem. Go figure.
Rule #6: Surf and You Shall Find (Please quote me on that...)
Make use of technology. There are hundreds of search engines out there so why not make good use of just some of them? Yahoo, Google, All The Web and, at times, Yehey sure do help a lot especially if our dear James is such a net freak.
Think and make use of every single keyword related to James and click on! The Web sure does make wonders for lucky stalkers, especially to the ones who know the "tricks" of Stalking 101. I ain't gonna tell what these "tricks" are. If you're good enough, you'll figure them out on your own one fine day.
Rule #7: Have Connections
Sure you may be from UP and James may be from UP but that doesn't mean you don't know people from Ateneo, La Salle or from any other university or place. The best, funniest, most wonderful and trivial yet superb details you can find out about James may even come all the way from faraway Batangas.
By having connections, you get to have wonderful sources of wonderful Stalkee info. You'll just be too surprised when one of these days Connection #28 informs you that the skinny James you know now used to be a print ad model during a certain time in his so-called life…
Rule #8: Get Personal...
...but not too personal. Now that you've become stable being James' #1 Stalker in (and even out of) the campus, it's time to make yourself his newest acquaintance. Lend him a bluebook, a pen or anything he needs during class, send him an e-mail (a casual one please…), forward text messages to him and say your Hi/Hello's every time you bump into him at the AS corridors. That will be easy, right? Just remember one thing, one very important thing…
Rule #9: Never Tell
Never ever tell James that you've been stalking him since Day 1. That's a big no-no. Never tell him that. If you do then it's going to be the end of your career.
Stalkers, the good ones, never admit they are stalkers. They're always, always, always in constant denial whenever they're asked. Sometimes they call themselves "ex-stalkers." Only the good ol' lame ones truly 'fess up.
One thing I've learned is that a Stalker, no matter how sweet or how friendly his/her approach is, is never easy to love. Never. Never was, never is and never will be.
Rule #10: Quit It
Once you've become acquainted with James, drop Stalking 101 or you sure are bound to fail. After doing so, better turn yourself into James's newest buddy. Of course, that ain't the easiest thing in the world for you to do but that's what's best for a would-be-ex-stalker like you.
There's more to life than stalking. I know you know it.
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 11:16 PM!
the imperfectionist *
yukichiyu
this blog's still
under reconstruction
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okies?
i'll be there...
tsktsk..
