Monday, August 29, 2005
i can't do nothing.
okay okay, so i'm superficial... i can't write anything good!!! i've been in this state for almost two days now... and it sucks... i don't have anything in mind! perhaps my lack of hatred *which magically disappeared* is causing this...
come on guys... bear with me while i spill this crap out okay!??!
anyway, i can't really update you on my life, for that matter. and to all those pricks out there raising their eyebrows: GET THE HELL OUT. someone cares and i'm loving it. as i look so much older, so they say.
damn, it's cold. must turn up temperature in room. *beep*beep* temperature down.
[i told you i can't write today. i just reread what i had typed and IT SUCKS.]
i am perverted. i thought i'll never be... haha! but hey, it's not the perversion you think! haha... i'm just subconciously plotting one's murder... and smile.
hmmmph. i am so overrated. i'm left here, at my house, for the loooong weekend due to a test in a certain subject in a certain university of a certain country. in lamens terms... : MAY TEST AKO NUNG SATURDAY KAYA DI AKO NAKASAMA SA OUT OF TOWN NAMEN!
waaa... i am such a whiner.. i haven't eaten a homecooked meal in two days! actually, the phone and i have been very good pals... he has a speed dial to yellow cab, mcdonalds and jabi... haha... JABI... haha...
i'm getting sick of fastfood. be back in a minute... gotta throw up.
*okay, so i didn't actually throw up, but i'm imagining it*
imaginings and whatnot. i feel so conceited these days.... though i like it. haha! my insomnia is way, waaaay worse than last month's and my anorexia, on the other hand, is getting along just fine. have eaten three full course meals in two days... whooowee! though the meal included:
1. chopped salad
2. chicken fingers (straight out of the box and into the microwave!)
3. mashed carrots (baby food)
4. steamed veggies
and for dessert:
5. BETTER THAN SEX CHOCOLATE CAKE FROM GAYUMA!!!!
haha... i loved it! it was soooooo delish! haha... and it says it's better than sex??? hmmm... better take a second opinion... haha...
i haven't read a good book in ages! omg... hai, anyone who has a book i can borrow???? contact me okay??? haha... loan me something GOOD.
i am trying to shield my eyes now... they sting...
i am still trying to find a fun thing to do! i can't possible die without doing something fun!
*excuse me while i freeze in the sun as thoughts wander from my mind to the vast sky of life*
oh---kay.... i have to stop typing now. i suck.
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 3:02 AM!
Friday, August 26, 2005
sweet sentiments in the air pierce through the walls of my heart. the sun, though futile, gives the soul warmth. rain showers the world yet water fills my system. graceful movements, the world ceases. the brightness, filling the cup with uncertainties, keeps overflowing. the sun does not accept the cup. breathe my air. drink my water. suffice the world with hostile glances. reluctant shivers down my spine. though the sun sets and darkness begins, the moon stays. the moon so serene, enveloping the sun with great fury, still stays. clouds overrun the sky. meanings too conceited to contemplate. reveal the true face of justice though it is never forsaken. seek the walls of my heart, where all is dark and empty. the fire that burns my heart yet freezes it the same. coldness persists on the moon. feels more colder in this place. seems so much emptier. quit the perversion in my mind, and fill the rooms with emptiness.
my star, see how you shine at night. the light of day, you are not. circles in my head, round the clock of time. noone to hold, to hold the hand frozen in time. stare at my star till hours blind. here is my star, isn't mine. quit this perversion in my mind. why did you have to be so cold, my star? you didn't have to be so cold. at the first gates, the moon stands in the cold, as the star stares. my star, the moon stays. she never left. never will. no matter what. though she may hide and seek darkness, my star....... i am here.
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 10:25 PM!
Saturday, August 20, 2005
How can I tell you
This feeling I have for you
No matter what I do
Still it wont shine through
No matter how I try
Still there this pride
Which keep on stopping me
And making me constricted
In expressing this feeling I hide
Is the last thing
I want to try
Coz there this fear within me
That I fail and cry
I want to be straight and simple
I want to be nice and true
So I made this poem to tell you
That I really love you
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 7:41 AM!
Sunday, August 14, 2005
i am such an ass.... i hate this... i feel like my friend's purposely doing this to me..... hell....
i am such.... such a jerk.
shit is all there is... i'm broken.
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 3:57 AM!
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Kala ko kaya ko… hindi pala… haha… hindi naman niya binabasa ang blog ko kaya okay lang *siguro* na ibuhos ko lahat-lahat dito… kasi naman eh… ano na naman ba ito???
Minsan naiisip ko siya… haha… lam ko na di pwede… nagkasundo na kame di ba??? Pero ewan ko ba… nung unang mga araw pagkatapos nun, parang ang sarap!! Wala na siya sa sistema ko!!! Nakawala nako sa malapelikulang istorya namen… masarap pala na maiwan siya…
Pero habang tumatagal… parang pinaglalapit kame ng tadhana… ng mundo. Pilit na pinaghaharap… pilit na pinaglalapit… pero hindi pwede… kaya lumalayo ako..
Minsan nakikita ko siya, nakatingin. Sakin ba o sa kawalan??? Hindi ko alam… hindi pwede… kaya di ko siya tinitignan..
Ngumiti. Pinipilit kong ngumiti pag nandyan siya. Para maisip niya na masaya ako at di na niya dapat bwisitin pa sa buhay ko… pero sa loob ko, umiiyak at nagpipigil… dahil sa bawat kumpas ng dila ko na “ayos lang ako” ganun kalakas ang hampas ng puso ko na nagsasabing “sinungaling ka”.
Inuuna ko lang naman ang isip ko di ba??? Hindi maling magkunwari..lalo na kung ikabubuti naman ng pagkakataon ang dahilan mo… tama nga siguro ang nasabi niya nun… : “baka magkasama lang saten… naiintindihan mo ba?”
HINDI. Hindi ko maiintindihan… hindi ko lam kung bakit… kung bakit ang kitd-kitid ng pagiisip ko… na madalas madali akong maloko ng mga tao… na pati ang isip ko ay naaayos at nasisira ng isang salita lamang. Na kung bakit pinipilit kong iwanan pero kusang sumasama…
Sundan mo… sundin mo… lage na lang sundin, sundan, sundin, sundan… lage na lang ganun… hindi ba pwedeng iwanan???
Sinisipag na naman akong magsulat. Pasensiya na sa nagbabasa nito.. problemado lang ako..
Lage naman diba??? Lolx..
Kailangan ka… kita… dito… ewan ko kung bakit.. naguguluhan na ko… gusto kitang iwan… pero naiisip ko na di ko kakayanin… gusto kitang sundan at isama sa Malayo… pero naiisip ko na di pwede. Tama na siguro yun..
Hindi ako umiiyak. Kahit sa ano mang problema o sakit, di ko ugaling umiyak… kaya siguro nang nagkalayo tayo, di ako umiyak… dala ko parin ito hanggang ngayon..
Iiyak ko kayo ito?? Di ko kaya… di ako umiiyak.
Sabi nila mas mabuti daw at nawala ka saken… kasi nawawala na ko sa sarili… lage kang iniisip… lageng bukambibig… laging nandito sa isip at puso ko… pero naisip ko… nung nawala ka… bakit??? Bakit mo dinala pati pagkatao ko??
Para kong hinubaran ng katauhan… nawalan ako ng silbi… tumahimik ang mundo ko… pati kuwarto ko’y tumahimik… di na marinig ang himig mo… ang himig na matagal kong pinatugtog sa loob ng sarili ko…
Ewan ko ba… pero nalilimutan na kita….
Sana.
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 4:00 AM!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Natapos na ang lahat
Dito pa rin ako
Hetong nakatulala
Sa mundo, sa mundo...
Di mo maiisip
Di mo makikita
Mga pangarap ko
Para sa'yo, para sa'yo...
Ohh...hindi ko maisip kung wala ka
Ohh...sa buhay ko..
Nariyan ka pa ba?
Di ka na matanaw
Kung merong madadaanan
Pasulong, pasulong...
Ohh...hindi ko maisip kung wala ka
Ohh...sa buhay ko..
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 3:17 PM!
Friday, August 05, 2005
i remember someone telling me i was PLAYSAFE. though, most likely, he's totally out of my life right now doesn't change the fact that his comment stuck. I WAS, AM and WILL STILL be a playsafe person...
i just don't believe in baring my soul. to strangers, i mean.
haha, people really need to look closer. i am the person who can accept anything BUT being rejected... much more, FOOLED. shit on you who fooled me, and have a good life. coz you just messed up mine.
i am frank. i don't believe in cynissisms.. screw you, i'll make my own mark on the snow. i can manage pretty well, thank-you-very-much. and oh, i ain't no loss.
my true colors show.. or do they??
i'm black all over kid. i can be pretty bitchy at times, i know. yet still, i turn to mush... haha! kiddo, i can suck it all up, all those criticisms they throw my way but hey, I AM HUMAN. intiendes!?
stuff sucks when your having fun... that's just it, ayt??? hell, i want to do thi sand that but CAN"T coz.. stupid society wouldn't allow it. hey i did it ONCE and was never, uh, karma-ed. whatever. still, i DID have fun with him.. though just a minute period of time compared to... THE ONE.
i am one superficial criminally insane person. i thirst for vengeance and believe me hunny, I WILL.
and oh, i get the weirdest comments about my personality... one said i was "mabaet".. haha.. i am hunny. and i got one today...
"para kang bata"
lolx... i am one.. and baby, you wouldn't want to mess with a kid. it can get messy.
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 3:59 AM!
