Monday, December 27, 2004
help!!! i've fallen victim to a Jerry Springer plotline: i'm in love with a jerk.
don't worry, nobody's breaking any chairs. And he isn't sleeping with my best friend (or any of my relatives for that matter). all there is is a friendship, just a bicker-flirt and i'-your-guy-when-noone-else-is-around sort of thing. isn't the world wonderful???
well, no, not really. or at least not the world i'm in. he constantly acts like he likes me a lot. he hugs me and does sweet nothings with me. he makes me feel special that sometimes i just want to throw up. he flirts with me even though he had a girlfriend. he flirts with me even though i had a boyfriend. he has all this bicker-flirt shit into a science... shit, it does him good...
like most girls, i talk endlessly about wanting a funny guy who can express his feminine side, remember birthdays, give me hand massages or back rubs. i sigh with contentment at the movies where the goofy guy jumps through hoops to prove his love. afterward, my friends and i complain that no good men really exist.
good men do exist--- we just don't notice them. it's those guys who readily agree to rent a chick flick, who hand over their chemistry notes after you've been out with the flu.... they're, well. nice. faithful. boring. you don't have to work for their love coz it's already there--- like a golden retriever.
with this jerk, uh, the reverse is true... in a geeky sort of way. hell he IS a nice guy, one of the good guys i mentioned earlier. what makes him the ultimate jerk is that... is that... no i can't say it!!! it's just that for me, it's all chasing, innuendo and mixed messages. but most important, what really gets me lusting after him, is that there's resistance. when someone resists you, what do you do??? you want him more!!! wanting is always present... it's what makes the world go round... and sideways... and backwards...
so while i can't stand his shit, i can't stop wanting him either. and maybe i'll wake up one day and get over him--- though i'll probably get my heart broken to little granules of sand.
but after all, isn't that true attraction? how much you want something--- or somebody--- is inversely proportional to how good it is for you. on second thought, perhaps you SHOULD book me on Springer. when this is over, i fear i'm going to feel like throwing a chair.
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 6:09 PM!
Friday, December 24, 2004
new year. i always have mixed feelings about the merry happy new year. one side of me feels relieved that we still have a new year to go around and live life, go on a road trip or have a movie marathon. but there's also the other part of me- the part that feels a little bit sad beacuse stepping into may also means slowly saying slowly goodbye to my favorite season of the year.
i've always had difficulty saying goodbye. wheter its as babaw as bidding farewell to a fave pair of low-riders i've outgrown (the holidays can be so cruel!), or as painful as walking away from a relationship i once treasured. i always feel a little tug in my heart ever time i let go. but i know i shouldn't feel so awful. but there is a thing i always remember.... there's the GOOD in every goodbye...
like the time i sobbed my eyes out after my baby (and pet pooch) keroberos died. while wiping away my tears, i said to myself that even if they took away my baby, they could never take away the happy memories we treasured together. or the time i made the painful decision of letting go a special person in my life (we have grown apart). i thought that there was no reason for me to feel sorry about it because the experience definitely enriched me and made me a better person.
but one of the best things that i learned is that for every goodbye, there's always a hello. hello to a new pet. hello to a new wardrobe. hello to a new love. and hello to building new memories.
so saying goodbye to the last year need not be as torturous or as painful for all of us. and as long as we make most out of whatever time was given to us, then there should be no hesitation to start it all over again.
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 1:33 AM!
Thursday, December 23, 2004
i'm twisted coz one syd of me is telling me that i need to move on,, the other syd i wana break down and cry,,,
Anonymous screamed her lungs out at 1:35 AM!
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
There is this day that I saw myself lying so soundly. As the moon washes the world of pain. With its b bright light shimmering like day. Trying to recall every moment. Trying to surpass every time we’ve been with each other. Only your name I can remember. My world is indeed narrow. It is enclosed in your world.
I remember the promise that I’ll bring you to the secret garden. I know this place will connect our worlds in our own dreams. As I was saying, it’s only you I always remember. Looking up at the sky I’ve never forgotten you. My heart still wanders for your arms. Maybe to the place where two worlds meet. Maybe to what’s left the secret garden. I’ll never forget you. Even if you forgot me, it’ll be okay. Even though I know, It will make me like I’m a dead person. Why ?Still wondering why you doubt me What have i done wrong to you What's wrong with me How can i prove to you i 'm trueYou won't let me know you You always close up when i ask Now i don't know what i should do Can you help me, May i ask Help me understand you Don't keep me here hanging.
You know that I LOVE YOU Believe me i am not just passing You know everything I tell you every single detail about me Can't you do just the same thing I hope you could do it for you and me I'll understand everything in your past Why don't you try telling me My love for you will always last Why don't you believe me Why can't you just trust me I love you and will never leave you I know that you tell me you love me Sometimes i don't feel it that you do But no matter what i will Always love you still Never leave you Co'z i love you !!!
If Only You Knew...how many times I go to sleep with you in my mind...that everyday that I'm away from home I achewithout you by my side......how much I need to hear your voice......how much I need to feel the warmth of your touch......that I long to see that beautiful warm smilethat brightens my day evertime.If you only knew... ...how much a single phone call from you means to me......that everytime I'm feeling alone and weak,all I have to do is picture your faceto make me feel strong again....that ever since the very first day we met,although I was unsure of who you really were,I always wondered if one day we would meet again....that when that day came that was myonly opportunity to get to know you...If you only knew... ... my dear......
I'm sure glad I did.NEVER.
Never say i love you
If you really don'y care
Never talk about feelingsIf they aren't really there
Never hold my hand
If you are going to break my heart
Never say you are going toIf you dont plan to start
Never look into my eyesIf all you do is lie
Never say helloIf you really mean goodbye
If you really mean forever
Then say you will try
Never say Forever
Cause forver makes me cry
I HATE ITI
hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind. I
hate you so much it makes me sick --
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh --
Even worse when you make me cry. I
hate it when you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you --
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
just walk on by,don't make me care,that loving look,thats not fair.i know i love you,thats why i am so scared,incase i lose my one,but it's like,if i keep back,then that can never be done.I want to break loose,stop worrying so much,just to be content with your reassuring touch.i have saught,i have found,but now i hide,deep in the ground.my confidence is at a low,i don't want to let you go,yet i don't want to let you near,losing such a love is something i fear.but here i go,i will walk the line,out in the open,working with time.you make me strong with you i feel complete,with you theres no suchthing as defeat.now you have seen my soul.you have seen the real me,with you i will always be.and no matter what 'it is better to have lived,loved and lost,then tohave never loved at all'.
"It's a lonely walk,no one for miles to see,just me.your not there anymore,you chose to shut the door.you said you loved me,that i was your one.but now the damage has beendone.i asked you to be true to me,i said i don't want to be hurt.look what you have done,now you treat me like dirt.you gazed into my eyes,you saw the true me, i let you into my mind,my heart,my soul. to be with you forever,was my goal. how could you lie to my face?you left me in the dark room of despair,how could you leave me in this place?. do i mean nothing?was it all just a game? all your excuses are so lame. well,it's over now,done with,through.i am sick of crying over you.i am letting go,saying goodbye. you shattered my dreams,you broke my heart,you watched my pain,youdid'nt care, sorry but thats just not fair. now i am gone,do you hear?there's nothing left for me to fear. i lost you once and now you are losing me. it's now time for me to be free".
I've been dreaming for so long
To see you smile right back at me
From where you areI've been wishing for so long
To see smiling back at me
Like I'm somebody special
But as I aged and as I changedI left it all behind
Cause now your calls seem kind of mellow
Will I run to you
Even If I'm losing hours
Even if I'm loosing hours of sleep
Even If I'm slowly fading away
I've been down to long
Yeah I know
I know cause the radio's been playing that same old song
That same old song
About this regular guy
With regular hopes
And regular dreams gone stale
Coz he doesn't know where to go
We can find another break time to sit and talk a while
I'll be your queen and you'll be my king and we'll be dancing all night
But its getting there, its getting to me and it's tearing me apart
Cause he doesn't know where to go
Will I run to youSaw a picture of you
Midnight ashes turned to blueI never that you knewWell I don't know
Someday We'll share this cigarette
You and me like we used to
Outside the dark parking lot
Where you told me life happens
Once you close your eyes
You had to go soon
The roses didn't reach full bloom
Well I never thought that you newWell I don't know
Someday We'll share this cigarette
You and me like we used to
Outside the dark parking lotWhere you told me that life is just not fair
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 6:40 PM!
naglalaro ako minsan... di ko na nakayana... napatigil ako at napaisip.. dumadaan ang oras ng hindi ko namamalayan.. umiyak ako sa ilalim ng mundo.. nakatungo.. naghihintay... umaasa...
radyo ang katapat ko... para kaming naguap... nagbabatuhan ng mga salita... seryoso siya... ngunit mas seryoso ako.. tinatamaan ako sa lahat ng inilalabas niya... nasasaktan ako... di ko lang pinapakita.
seryoso akong nagbabasa ng paborito kong libro... matagal ko ng binabasa yung librong ito.. marami na akong natutunan... marami na akong nalaman.. marami na akong natuklasan.. masakit isipin.. dito ko napansin.. na hindi ka pala sa akin.. panaginip lang..
tv.. dito ko nakita ang sarili ko at ikaw... isang palabas na may ending.. isang palabas na matatapos... di mo alam kung happy o bad ending... may kontrabida.. mga epal kumbaga... mga panira sa istorya nating dalawa... sana happy ending.. sana.. sana...
pumasok ako sa sinehan.. nakita kita sa malaking screen.. punong-puno ng kulay ang iyong mukha.. nabighani ako... di ko na maialis ang mata ko sa iyo... nakulong ako sa pelikula mo.. nanaginip.. yan ang aking iniisip...
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 6:38 PM!
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Two timer ka noh? bkit mo binasa `to?
masarap mag-two time dba guys?.. yung tipong dala-dalawasila... tatlo-tatlo.. minsan sampusampu pa nga edba?! pero minsan naiisip ba ntin kung ano epekto nito sa mga nasasaktan ntin?? masarapmagtwo time...pag natapos ka sa isa..lilipat kanaman sa isa..tpos sa iba nman hanggang samag-sawa ka, tpos iiwanan mo lng..kase may nkitakang mas gwapo o mas mas maganda sa knya...minsan pag nag away kau ng number one modamay-damay pati yung 2nd..3rd..and soforth..kawawa nmn sila noh?
samantalang wala nmnsilang gngwa sau kung di ang intindihin ka atmahalin lang...bakit nga kya masarap mag twotime??? kse hindi ka marunong makuntento sa kunganong meron ang gf/bf mo? kase meron mas bettersa present mo...? kase selfish ka ayaw mongilet-go yung present mo.its for your own sakekhit nasasaktan mo na sia? kase ano? ano? kasesarili mo lang ang iniisip mo...e....pano kunggawin sau yun? sa tingin mo makakaya mo? sa tingin mo okey lang sau?ano?.....ano?
dba masakit din? tsaka mo malalaman na mahal mo palatlga cia pag may mahal na syang iba..pag hindina ikaw ang mahalnya...tsk..tsk..tsk..guys...masarap magmahal atmahalin..sana lang ..MARUNONG TAYONG MAKUNTENTOSA IBINIGAY SATIN...TAYO- TAYO NA NGA LANG ANGNAG NAGKAKAINTINDIHAN..TPOS TAYO-TAYO PA ANGNAGTATALUHAN!!!!HEY GUYS WAKE UP!! !!!MAHALIN NYO MGA GF/BF NYO!!!!!!BE LOYAL!!! soweee samga natamaan ko po....=(ginigicing ko lng kayosa matagal nyong pagkakatulog....bka ksi paggising nyo wala na yung taong nagmamahal sa inyong totoo...
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 5:08 PM!
Vocabulary: boy - n. a male child from birth to puberty -let - n suffix small one "Ano ba ibig sabihin ng boylet?"
Tanong yan sa akin ng isang boylet. Pero ano nga ba ang ibig sabihin ng 'boylet'? Ewan ko ba, pero napulot ko yan sa mga bading kong kaibigan. "Ate, yummy ang boylet mo."; "Bakla, saan ba may boylet dito?" Pero kung talagang pag-iisipan, mahirap ma-define ang boylet. Ito ba'y dahil sa age? Sa maturity? Sa height? Sa looks?
Ang boylet, kailangang bata, or at least, ka-age mo. Kasi pag mas matanda ng ilang taon, hindi na boylet yon, tander-cat na. As in tanders. Tanders from matanda -- matanders -- tanders -- tander-cat (origin - thundercat). Grabe ang evolution ng mga salita, di ba?
Dapat din daw, ang boylet, hindi mo boyfriend, pero hindi lang din friend. So, ibig sabihin, napakalalim ng kahulugan ng "-let" sa suffix sa boylet. Biro mo, ang "-let" ang nag-define ng isang relasyon na mas malalim, at malamang mas intimate sa friendship, pero less committed at non-exclusive kung ikukumpara sa boyfriend. Tsk, tatlong letra lang yan, pero it makes a world of difference. Kaya ang isang boy, para maging boylet, kailangang maging isang tao na kayang tumawid sa pagitan ng pagiging isang boyfriend o lover at isang kaibigan.
So pwede din ba gamitin ang "-let" sa mga tander-cats? Hmmm. parang masagwa -- tander-lets? Tander-cat-lets? Kasi naman pag tander-cats, mas malamang na naghahanap ng isang relasyon na hindi passing fancy lang. Pero hindi yan generalization, okay? Madami pa din namang mga tander-cats na isip-boylet. So, anong tawag natin sa kanila? Closet-boylets? Ay, ambot!
Ano pa ang distinguishing factor ng isang boylet? Sabi ng isang kaibigan na nagkaroon na ng relasyon mula sa both ends of the continuum -- from the youngest of boylets to super tander-cats, ang boylet, fling lang daw. Kapag naging seryoso ang relasyon o "arrangement" sa isang boylet, pwede nang tanggalin ang suffix na "-let" at palitan ng salitang "friend". But it is not necessarily true na promotion sa boylet ang pagiging boyfriend. Isipin mo yon, pag may boyfriend ka na, bawal na ang mga boylets. Eh kung puro boylets lang, walang hassles, walang guilt involved, kasi nga, ang "-let" ang sasalba sa iyo. Ang "-let" ang nagsasabi na hindi naman kayo exclusive sa isa't-isa. Ang galing talaga ng "-let"! Pwede din kaya itong gamitin sa ibang salita? Halimbawa, kung itatanong sa iyo ng jowa mo, "Do you love me?" Ang problema, hindi ka sigurado kung anong isasagot. Isipin mo, pag sinabi mong 'yes', sangkatutak na exclusivity na yan. Pag naman 'no', aba, eh, baka mag-isip ang jowa mo at iwan ka. So, pwede bang "yes-let" ang isagot? Ang "-let" na lang uli ang bahala to fill in the gaps. Ibig sabihin pag 'yes-let', oo, love kita ngayon, pero may possibility na bawiin ko in the future. O kaya naman, oo, love naman kita, pero pwede pa ba akong humirit ng one last boylet?
Boylet -- boy na maliit o cute? Di ba't ang ibig sabihin ng suffix na "-let" at cute o naman kaya'y maliit? Parang islet, maliit na island; booklet, maigsi o manipis na compilation ng materials. Hindi naman kasi magandang pakinggan kung tatawagin silang mini-boys. Mas maganda at endearing nga ang tunog ng boylet, parang honeylet.
Pero pano naman pala ang tawag sa girl version ng mga boylet? Girlet? Parang hindi akma. Mas maganda siguro kung girlash. Pero hindi nito ganap na mailalarawan kung ano ang essence ng pagiging quasi-gf, semi-friend. So, in short, sa mga boys lang pwedeng magkaroon ng suffix na "-let", ganon ba yon? Baka naman kasi ibang suffix ang angkop sa mga girls.
Kung ikaw ang mamimili, ano ang mas gusto mo, isang boylet na nagpapaka-tanders, o isang tander-cat na nagpapaka-boylet? Magulong isipin, pero ang isang boylet na nagpapaka-tandercat ay yung tipong pa-mature effect. Ang dami kunwaring angst sa buhay, pinapalaki ang pinakamaliit na issue - para nga naman makasabay sya sa lahat ng angst ng nakakatandang babae. Insecurity siguro ng mga boylet, o maaari rin namang mature na talaga, pero hindi natin malalaman, unless, gusto mong makilala ng masinsinan ang boylet mo. Ang mga tandercats naman na nagpapaka-boylet ay yung mga feeling groovy at w-a-a-a-y-y C-O-O-L, na kadalasan ay hindi naman talaga, nagpupumilit lang. Maaari din naman na sila yung mga tandercats na may mental age ng isang 15-yr old. Ito ang isang proof na may mga taong walang pinagkatandaan, at ang emotional at mental age ng tao ay iba-iba sa biological age.
Ang isa pang tanong, gaano ka-boylet ang kaya mo, kung baga sa low-waist pants, how low can you go? Basta siguraduhin na above 18 ang boylet, kundi, sa kalaboso ang bagsak mo, statutory rape yon, kung di mo alam. 3 years? 4, 5, 6? Depende naman talaga sa iyo yan. Pero isipin mo lang na kung 9 years ang gap nyo, aba ineng, nung pinanganak sya ay may monthly period ka na! Hindi ba kapangi-pangilabot yon? Pero kung kaya mo, o 'carry' mo, ika nga ng aking mga baklakekok na kaibigan, eh di sige, magpakadalubhasa sa pangangarir ng mga boylet. I-career! At bakit hindi? Ilan pa lamang ang may MA at PhD degree sa Boylet Affairs Management.
Pero bakit nga ba natin kailangan ng mga boylet? Sabi ng isang kaibigan, gusto nyang ma-re-affirm na sya ay may asim pa. Suggestion ko lang, pwede naman litmus test na lang for acidity ang gamitin, di ba? Yung iba naman, pantawid-gutom daw. Ano ang akala nila sa mga boylet, mini-cup na pansit canton? Yung iba naman, just so they'll feel alive again daw, to feel young, fresh and to get their groove back. Aside from botox treatment, napakadami pang mga services ni Dra. Vicky ang pwede para magmukha at maging feeling young.
Pasalamat tayo at nandyan sila - para magbigay ng kasiyahan, company, aliw, o kung ano pa man. Sa dami ng mga benefits na dinadala ng mga boylets na ito sa ating buhay, gusto ko lang magbigay ng pugay sa kanila. Mabuhay ang mga boylet, dakila kayo! Go forth and multiply!
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 5:03 PM!
alam niyo.... nakakaasar ang mga taong sinungaling na, NANINIRA PA!
isa ng example ay yung nasaksihan nating iyakan sa open forum.... ang isang tao ay napaka-*toot* at siniraan ang kaibigan ko! parang hello!!!! SINUNGALING KA!!!
esther, alam mo gusto kitang hampasin habang nagsasalita ka nung open forum... napakawalang-katotohanan ng mga pinagsasabi mo! sa laging kasama ko si belle pag horizon, ni isang paninira sayo walang siyang nasabi saken... ikaw, minsan mo lang ako kausapin ano pa ang mga sinsabi mo??? paninira kay belirie!!! di ka ba kinikilabutan sa sarili mo at puro kasinungalingan ang mga sinasabi mo???? baka naman may inferiority complex ka lang dyan!!!!
sa sinabi mo na baka insecure sayo si belle, di kaya ikaw ang insecure sa kanya???? parang diyos ko naman esther, san maiinsecure si belle SAYO???? parang nagbuhat ka ng sarili mong bangko ah!!! pwede ba, tumingin ka sa salamin at ayusin mo ang buhay mo... di mo ba nakikita kung bakit wala ka gaanong mga kaibigan??? ikaw na rin ang naglalayo sakanila sayo???? SINISIRAAN MO SILA SA IBA AT BINABALIGTAD MO ANG ISTORYA!!!!
di ka angat kay belirie, dahil hindi sa talino o sa mga awards nasususkat ang angat sa buhay... mas marami kaming kaibigan niya at dahil doon, habang binababa mo siya, inaangat naman namin siya!!!!!
di ka na nahiya sa sarili mo esther.... magpakatotoo ka nga!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 4:13 PM!
Monday, December 20, 2004
at last! my blog came to life once more! kasi naman, some very stupid despicable person deleted yung blog ko dati!!! (i suspect my sister ever so greatly...) anyway at least di ba meron na ulit akong blog.... wala naman akong malagay for goodness' sake.... haha!!!
kakaout lang ni ------ sa ym, nagulat nga ako cause he talked to me! ay naku, i never ever thought na ganun pa rin kame kaclose after all that has happened to us noh... pero ayos pa rin...
i was s'posed to go to nix's ngaun kaso tinatamad ako.... layo eh! pero siguro i'll darg my lazy butt papunta dun, heck, i haven't seen the guy for about six months noh!
ay.. my brother's being an ass*hole na naman.... later
yukichiyu screamed her lungs out at 8:09 PM!
